Mark of the Witch. Tom Moore, 1970.
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Edition screened: Viewed online. English language. Runtime approximately 78 minutes.
Summary: Depiction of a violently murdered parakeet.
Details: The witch makes a caged parakeet explode with a bang and a puff of smoke. The film then cuts back to a bloody bird body on the floor of the cage, 30:49-30:52. A little earlier there is dialogue about the pet dog killed outside, with no visuals or details.
Night of the Bloody Apes. René Cardona, 1969.
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Edition screened: Included with Feast of Flesh on Something Weird “Orgy of Terror” Double Feature DVD, released 2002. English dub. Runtime approximately 84 minutes.
Summary: An actor in a particularly unconvincing gorilla suit is shot with a tranquilizer gun while caged in a zoo setting, 7:15, and again while caged in a laboratory setting, 14:40.
In addition to the two feature titles, the Something Weird “Orgy of Terror” includes four largely uncredited shorts:
Pink Flamingos. John Waters, 1972.
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Edition screened: Criterion Blu-ray #1131, released 2022. English language. Runtime approximately 93 minutes.
Summary: Graphic murder of a chicken.
Details:
1) A man introduces two white hens into a sex scene. He holds the birds by the legs and flails them around carelessly, then positions them to be crushed between himself and his partner. It is likely that one hen’s head was torn off, based on the amount of blood. All this, 28:58-30:27.
2) A return to the man sleeping beside the body of a dead bloody chicken, 41:33-41:37.
3) A pig’s head from a butcher shop is unwrapped as a birthday gift, 56:05-56:14.
The Criterion Blu-ray includes Steve Yeager’s 1998 documentary about John Waters, Divine Trash.
Ray Gun Virus. Paul Sharits, 1966.
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Edition screened: Included on Yellow Veil Blu-ray Lux Æterna, released 2022. Audio effect track; no dialogue track. Runtime approximately 14 minutes.
Summary: No animals or references to animals in the film.
Retro Christmas Classics! Various directors, 1950s and 1960s.
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Edition screened: Something Weird DVD, released 2007. English language. Runtime approximately 120 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals.
The sixteen shorts and trailers in this compilation run as one feature. I have added accurate start times to the descriptions copied from the Something Weird webpage:
1) 0:40 - Trailer for K. GORDON MURRAY’s Santa Claus (1960)
2) 3:15- Intermission Ad: “Merry Christmas!”
3) 11:40 - Intermission Ad: “Christmas Seals” (1957) – Santa Claus and CLARK GABLE want you to buy Christmas Seals and help fight tuberculosis!
4) 13:41 - Short: A Christmas Dream – Through the miracle of stop-motion animation, Santa makes a little girl’s unwanted doll come to life and run amok all over her bedroom: “Please don’t throw me away!” Wow.
5) 22:38 - Short: A Present for Santa Claus (1947) – Two greedy brats attempt to get the Christmas gifts they want by bribing Santa with cups of hot chocolate! And it works! Santa gives them lots of presents and a puppy!
6) 30:47 - Cartoon: Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer – MAX FLEISCHER’s classic featuring everyone’s favorite luminescent caribou!
7) 39:22 - Trailer for the 1959 animated feature The Snow Queen!
8) 40:21 - Short: The Night Before Christmas – In the dead of night, Santa not only invades another living room, but lights up his filthy pipe and starts smoking in this retelling of the classic holiday poem!
9) 48:18 - Short: Silent Night – Join the ADA CRUSADERS QUARTET and sing along to the holiday classic with the aid of this “Hymnalogue”!
10) 51:34 - Short: A Visit to Santa (color) – Santa sends a young elf to escort little Dick and Ann to his castle at the North Pole where they hang with Mr. Claus, watch him in various parades, and take a tour of his Toy Shop. Santa shows Ann an array of dolls “to wash, dress, and spank,” then takes them to Toy Train Town where Dick nearly pees his pants with excitement! Whoopee!
11) 1:01:32 - Trailer for Santa’s Christmas Circus (1966) starring Whizzo the Clown!
12) 1:03:01 - Short: Santa and the Fairy Snow Queen – SID DAVIS, the mastermind behind such classroom scare films as The Dangerous Stranger, tries to persuade youngsters to take better care of their toys by showing a bleary-eyed Santa (who looks like a skid-row bum dragged in from the gutter) attempting to deal with a rebellion of toys that have come to life (played by a bunch of adults who should be ashamed of themselves)! Jaw-dropping.
13) 1:28:51 - Short: The Three Little Dwarves – In this delightful Rankin-Bass-style puppet production, an Asian-looking Santa drags his pals Hardrock, Coco, and Joe along with him on Christmas Eve!
14) 1:31:24 - Short: Santa in Animal Land – Puppet animals are upset that Santa Claus only brings gifts to kids, so Kitty Kat seeks out Santa, is made the “Official Santa Claus for Animals Always,” and delivers gifts for all his animal/puppet friends! As mind-numbingly goofy as it is oddly disturbing.
15) 1:40:21 - Short: The Spirit of Christmas – “The Night Before Christmas” is lovingly re-enacted by creepy marionettes!
16) 1:50:03 - Short: Christmas Rhapsody (1948) – A little fir tree feels inferior to all the larger trees in the forest until a forest ranger and his family choose it to be their Christmas tree! Get out those hankies….
Retro Christmas Classics! Volume 2. Various directors, 1950s and 1960s.
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Edition screened: Something Weird DVD, released 2008. English language. Runtime approximately 110 minutes.
Summary: As indicated below, #5 includes about three seconds of a line-art brat punching a line-art cat. Let’s let this one slide.
The sixteen shorts and trailers in this compilation run as one feature. I have added accurate start times to the descriptions copied from the Something Weird webpage:
1) 0:20 - Intermission Ad: “Merry Christmas” 1939
2) 1:06 - Merry Christmas (1950, b&w) Santa’s Sweat Shop in the North Pole buzzes with activity. Three happy elves toil and tinker to make toys for good little boys and girls. Meanwhile, a suburban family sings carols by the tree and Dad tries to sipe Junior’s toy train set.
3) 9:43 - A Christmas Message from Rosemary Clooney (1950s, b&w) George Clooney’s aunt pleads for you to buy Christmas Seals.
4) 12:22 - A Christmas Journey (1950, b&w) A little Russian boy desperately wants to deliver a Christmas tree to his father who works in Antartica (!) So the kid borrows Santa’s star-studded jet plane (huh?) and embarks on a crazy adventure that takes him to Africa (?) along the way.
5) 22:52 - Intermission Ads: “Merry Christmas” 1954 and 1959. See the making of a serial killer as a cartoon kid beats on a cartoon cat.
6) 25:13 - Christmas Time in Toyland (1930s, b&w) Scary stop-motion animation and a relentless parade of vintage mechanical toys make Toyland come to life. Santa looks crazed amongst the decrepit old wooden elves and automatons who populate his workshop.
7) 34:25 - Intermission Ad: “Merry Christmas” 1955
8) 35:48 - The Christmas Visitor (1961, b&w) A cartoon Santa drops down the chimney then boozes it up and smokes a cigar while toys cause mayhem all while an unsuspecting family lay snug in their beds.
9) 42:41 - Intermission Ad: “The Lights of Christmas” 1956
10) 43:30 - A Visit from St. Nicholas (1949, b&w) Primitive animation and models tell the story of The Night Before Christmas.
11) 47:14 - Intermission Ad: “Cordial Holiday Greetings” 1950s
12) 47:40 - Christmas Tree (1960s, color) Get out the pipe cleaners, glitter and yarn! Crafty critters go on a mission to find a Christmas tree!
13) 54:39 - Intermission Ad: “Christmas Legends” 1957
14) 55:25 - The First Noel (1961, color) It’s Bible time sixties-style! The story of the birth of Jesus is lovingly portrayed with modern art quasi-animation.
15) 1:07:56 - The Littlest Angel (1950, color) A little misfit cherub seeks redemption from the Big Guy. After trudging to the place of judgment, he gets his act together and even gives the newborn Baby Jesus his most prized possession. What did you expect from a Christian cartoon?
16) 1:21:45 - Liberace Christmas Show (1954, b&w) And now for the grand finale! Nothing screams Christmas more than the tinkling of piano keys and Liberace’s comforting crooning performed in an artificial winter wonderland! Santa (who looks remarkably like his brother George) even stops by!
Rosie (TV pilot). Walter Hart and Lewis Jacobs, 1960.
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Edition screened: Included on Something Weird “The Weird World of Weird” 20th Anniversary Special Edition DVD, released 2009. English language. Runtime approximately 19 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals.
An actor costumed as a human-size mangy dog stars in and narrates this Can I keep him, Pa? Can I? stupidity, which should please that depressingly enormous portion of the population who think “so bad it’s good” holds up logically, rhetorically, or aesthetically.
The Smut Peddler. Werner (William) Rose, 1965.
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Edition screened: Excerpt included on Something Weird “The Weird World of Weird” 20th Anniversary Special Edition DVD, released 2009. English language. Runtime of excerpt approximately 20 minutes.
Summary: No depictions of violence or harm to animals. 0.5/5❤
The Something Weird release indicates that this 20-minute excerpt is a rare surviving fragment from a lost film. Other sources indicate that the entire film plays on Turner. Not worth fretting over.
Tomb It May Concern (Tomb Itmay Concern). W. Merle Connell, 1950.
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Edition screened: Included on AGFA Blu-ray The Curious Dr. Humpp, released 2021. English language. Runtime approximately 11 minutes.
Summary: No depictions of violence or harm to animals.
This skit stars a dwarf billed as Little Jack Little, a Buddy Hackett-type hambone who revives two female Egyptian mummies while on an archaeological expedition. Of the two reanimated mummies, the fat ugly one (Princess Itmay) is white and sucks up half of the runtime with a ghastly belly dance routine. The beautiful one is light black, only gets a quick visual gag, and is the butt of an unfortunate racial joke that ends the film.
The Weird World of Weird. Paulmichel Mielche, 1970.
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Edition screened: Included on Something Weird “The Weird World of Weird” 20th Anniversary Special Edition DVD, released 2009. English mumbling. Runtime approximately 47 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals.
This 47-minute made-for-TV pop documentary takes a smug glance at psychic phenomena and non-Xtian religions. Prominent among cameo appearances are Anton Levay and Chriswell.
Something Weird’s The Weird World of Weird DVD also includes:
Rosie - 1960 TV pilot episode
Follow That Skirt - 1965, Richard W. Bomont
The Smut Peddler (excerpt) - 1965, William Rose
Zou Zou (Zou-zou). Marc Allégret, 1934.
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Edition screened: Included with Princesse Tam-Tam on Kino Lorber Blu-ray, released 2022. French language with English subtitles. Runtime approximately 92 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals.
You Were Never Really Here. Lynne Ramsay, 2018.
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Edition screened: Lionsgate Blu-ray, released 2018. English language. Runtime approximately 90 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals.
Witchhammer (Kladivo na carodejnice). Otakar Vavra, 1970.
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Edition screened: Included with Viy (Disc 4) in Severin Blu-ray box set All the Haunts Be Ours: A Compendium of Folk Horror, released 2021. Czech language with English subtitles. Runtime approximately 107 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals.
Viy (De dødes tjern). Konstantin Ershov and Georgiy Kropachyov, 1967.
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Edition screened: Included with Witchhammer (Disc 4) in Severin Blu-ray box set All the Haunts Be Ours: A Compendium of Folk Horror, released 2021. Russian language with English subtitles. Runtime approximately 76 minutes.
Summary: Striking a pig.
Details: As a young man beds down on a stack of hay at 10:54, he kicks a friendly pig confined in a neighboring stall in the head for no reason. Not hard enough to injure the animal, but reinforcing our multicultural tradition to treat these kind, intelligent animals with pointless brutality.
Two Witches. Pierre Tsigaridis, 2021.
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Edition screened: Arrow Blu-ray, released 2022. English language. Runtime approximately 98 minutes.
Summary: Dead birds and murder of a rabbit.
Details:
1) Two dead songbirds are suspended like drying herbs in the witch’s cabin, 4:51-4:56.
2) The witch snaps the neck of a domestic bunny, 1:22:10. This is over quickly and we barely see it.
The Return of Count Yorga. Bob Kellijan, 1971.
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Edition screened: Included in Arrow The Count Yorga Collection, released 2022. English language. Runtime approximately 97 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence of harm to animals.
The Arrow set also includes Count Yorga, Vampire (1970).
Princesse Tam-Tam. Edmond T. Gréville, 1935.
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Edition screened: Included with Zou-Zou on Kino Lorber Blu-ray, released 2022. French language with English subtitles. Runtime approximately 77 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals.
This double feature of early Josephine Baker films made in France also includes the 1928 short Fireman of the Folies-Bergère (8 minutes, director unknown); a decent multipart documentary about Baker’s career and accomplishments; and two 1-minute excerpts spotlighting the famous dancer.
Identification of a Woman (Identificazione di una donna). Michelangelo Antonioni, 1982.
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Edition screened: Criterion Blu-ray #585, released 2011. Italian language with English subtitles. Runtime approximately 130 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals.
Fireman of the Folies-Bergère (Le Pompier des Folies Bergères). Unknown director, 1928.
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Edition screened: Included on Kino Lorber Princesse Tam-Tam/Zouzou Blu-ray, released 2022. Scored, no dialogue track. Runtime approximately 8 minutes.
Summary: No depictions of violence or harm to animals.
A fireman’s drunken fantasies provide the framework for entertaining early special effects, a surprising amount of full nudity, and a brief cameo by (clothed) Josephine Baker.
Count Yorga, Vampire (The Loves of Count Iorga, Vampire). Bob Kellijan, 1970.
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Edition screened: Included in Arrow The Count Yorga Collection, released 2022. English language. Runtime approximately 93 minutes.
Summary: Depiction of murdered cat.
Details: In a famous and startling scene, Erica is caught eating a small gray cat, still holding it with blood on its neck, 33:05 - 34:00.
The Arrow set also includes The Return of Count Yorga (1971).
Come Drink with Me (Da zui xia). King Hu, 1966.
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Edition screened: Arrow Blu-ray, released 2022. Mandarin language with English subtitles. Runtime approximately 94 minutes.
Summary: No depictions of violence or harm to animals.
The Bellboy and the Playgirls. Fritz Umgelter and Francis Ford Coppola, 1962.
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Edition screened: Included on Kino Lorber Blu-ray 3-D Nudie-Cuties Collection, released 2019. English language. Runtime approximately 97 minutes.
Summary: No depictions of violence or harm to animals. o.5/5❤
A Dobie Gillis-type bellboy travels physically to various rooms of a hotel in the color sections of the movie, then travels . . . some other way . . . to various historical epochs in the black-and-white sections of the movie, all to learn how to charm the ladies. And to be a private eye. Ultimately, we all learn why people walk out of theaters and throw televisions out the window.
I presume one director made the color sections and the other made the b-&-w sections. For one moment early in the film I anticipated that quick checking would clarify this, but I quickly matured into not caring. The title sequence is entertaining, made in good late-50s off-register commercial style.
America as Seen by a Frenchman. François Reichenbach, 1960.
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Edition screened: Arrow Blu-ray, released 2020. French language with English subtitles. Runtime approximately 90 minutes.
Summary: The cruel and trashy spectacle of a high-diving horse, 44:22-45:12. There is no indication of physical injury to the horse. This time.
Adam and 6 Eves. John Wallis, 1962.
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Edition screened: Included on Kino Lorber Blu-ray 3-D Nudie-Cuties Collection, released 2019. English language. Runtime approximately 60 minutes.
Summary: No depictions of violence or harm to animals. 1.5/5❤
The story of a chubby and prematurely grizzled prospector crossing a desert in cheap vinyl shower shoes with his donkey, searching for his lost treasure map but finding instead a tropical oasis with five immortal scantily-clad-sometimes-topless pinup girls in Erisian conflict with a lone outcast girl, she also scantily-clad-sometimes-topless but having a witch-like putty nose and Joey Ramone hair.
Oh, the unexpected part is that Old Stinky’s donkey is a Chris Bouchillon imitator who narrates the action ‘talkin’ blues’ style with metered olde-time precision, like “Why, that man is so lazy he’ll stand all day with a cocktail shaker a-waitin’ for an earthquake.”
The 3-D Nudie-Cuties Collection. Various directors, 1953-1962.
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Edition screened: Kino Lorber Blu-ray, released 2019. English language. Cumulative runtime approximately 167 minutes.
Summary: No depictions of violence or harm to animals. o.5/5❤
Details: This adventure in tedium includes two shorts naps (noted below), a 90-minute excruciation, and a 60-minute unbelievability:
• The Bellboy and the Playgirls (1962 Fritz Umgelter and Francis Ford Coppola)
• Adam and 6 Eves (1962 John Wallis)
• Love for Sale (1953 Klaytan W. Kirby)
- a 10-minute compilation of clips featuring Bella Starr dancing around in her dressing room and flapping her hands at the camera.
• Beauty in 3rd Dimension (circa 2019)
- a 3-minute compilation of stills showing print ads for the 1951 Kodachrome Stereo Viewer and examples of the 1940s-style pinup images available separately.
Deported Women of the SS Special Section (Le deportate della sezione speciale SS). Rino Di Silvestro (as Alex Berger), 1976.
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Edition screened: Included in the Full Moon DVD set Nazi Basterds & Bombshells, released 2014. English dub. Runtime approximately 98 minutes.
Summary: No depictions of violence or harm to animals. 2/5❤
Family Camp. Brian Cates, 2022.
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Edition screened: Watched online. English language. Runtime approximately 111 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals.
OMG, as old people say. While traveling, I guessed that this was the most tolerable choice among limited viewing options. I have been wronged.
La Femme-Objet (Programmed for Pleasure). Claude Mulot (as Frédéric Lansac), 1981.
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Edition screened: Pulse/Vinegar Syndrome Blu-ray, released 2021. French language with English subtitles; decent English dub also available. Runtime approximately 86 minutes.
Summary: No depictions of violence or harm to animals. 3.5/5❤
Flatliners. Joel Schumacher, 1990.
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Edition screened: Arrow UHD, released 2022. English language. Runtime approximately 114 minutes.
Summary: A dog is seriously injured.
Details:
1) Kiefer Sutherland has recurring death dreams in which his childhood dog is seen from a distance walking with a crippled gate, his pelvis and two back legs wrapped in bandages. These scenes are not alarming.
2) From 1:32:42 through 1:32:51 we learn how the dog was injured: A child falls from a tree, bringing a large branch down with him. We see the downed branch pinning the dog to the ground across the hips with a little blood visible.
Fräulein Devil (Elsa Fräulein SS/Captive Women 4). Patrice Rhomm (as Mike Staar), 1977.
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Edition screened: Included in the Full Moon DVD set Nazi Basterds & Bombshells, released 2014. English dub. Runtime approximately 81 minutes.
Summary: A Nazi officer pauses to observe a dead young bird on the ground, 49:54-50:00. 1/5❤
Fräuleins in Uniform (She Devils of the SS/Eine Armee Gretchen). Erwin C. Dietrich, 1973.
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Edition screened: Included in the Full Moon DVD set Nazi Basterds & Bombshells, released 2014. English dub. Runtime approximately 66 minutes.
Summary: No depictions of violence or harm to animals. 1/5❤
The Lost City. Aaron and Adam Nee, 2022.
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Edition screened: Watched online. English language. Runtime approximately 92 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals.
Love Camp 7. Lee Frost, 1968.
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Edition screened: Something Weird DVD, released 2003. English language. Runtime approximately 96 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals. 1/5❤
Mystery Train. Jim Jarmusch, 1989.
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Edition screened: Criterion Blu-ray #521, released 2010. English language. Runtime approximately 140 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals.
Nazi Basterds & Bombshells. Various directors, 1973-2013.
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Edition screened: Full Moon 5-DVD set, released 2014. English language. Cumulative runtime of feature films approximately 425 minutes.
Summary: Fräulein Devil includes several seconds of a dead bird lying on the ground feeding insects. The other three period films are free of violence to animals. 1/5❤
The Full Moon set includes four B Movies combining the Women in Prison genre with Nazi obsession, plus an original documentary on the topic by Charles Band. See individual titles for details.
Nazithon: Decadence and Destruction (2013 Charles Band)
Deported Women of the SS Special Section (1976 Rino Di Silvestro)
The Beast in Heat (SS Hellcamp) (1977 Luigi Batzella)
She Devils of the SS (Fräuleins in Uniform) (1973 Erwin Dietrich)
Fräulein Devil (1977 Patrice Rhomm)
