Cover Girl Models. Cirio H. Santiago, 1975.
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Edition screened: Included in Shout! Factory Lethal Ladies Collection Vol. 2 DVD set, released 2012. English language. Runtime approximately 73 minutes.
Summary: No depictions of violence or harm to animals.
The Roger Corman’s Cult Classics Triple Feature ‘Lethal Ladies’ Collection Vol. 2 also includes:
The Arena (1974 Steve Carver)
Fly Me (1973 Cirio H. Santiago and Jonathan Demme)
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues. Adam McKay, 2013.
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Edition screened: Paramount Blu-ray, released 2014. English language. Runtime approximately 118 minutes.
Summary: Unkind one-line jokes about animals throughout the film. In the final scene, a dog regarded as part of the news team jumps into the ocean to save Will Ferrell from a shark. No actual depictions of harm to animals.
In the apartment scene 52 minutes into the film, we see a 1978 Bally The Six Million Dollar Man, a 1978 Bally Playboy, a 1979 Bally Harlem Globetrotters, and a 1977 Williams Eight Ball.
Double Agent 73. Doris Wishman, 1973.
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Edition screened: Included in AGFA Blu-ray set The Films of Doris Wishman: The Twilight Years. English language. Runtime approximately 73 minutes.
Summary: No depictions of violence or harm to animals.
Savage Sadists/Den of Dominance/Daughters of Discipline. Phil Prince, 1983.
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Edition screened: Included on Vinegar Syndrome Avon Triple Feature DVD #086, released 2015. English language. Cumulative runtime approximately 117 minutes.
Summary: No animals or references to animals in the films. 1/5❤
Vinegar Syndrome’s Avon Triple Feature demonstrates thrice that a 40-minute film can be scripted, cast, and produced in 50 minutes:
Savage Sadists. 1983, Phil Prince. Approximately 38 minutes. 0.05/5❤
Den of Dominance. 1983, Phil Prince. Approximately 37 minutes. 1/5❤
Daughters of Discipline. 1983, Phil Prince. Approximately 42 minutes. 1/5❤
The Sex Perils of Paulette. Doris Wishman, 1965.
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Edition screened: Included in AGFA Blu-ray set The Films of Doris Wishman: The Moonlight Years. English language. Runtime approximately 66 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals.
In this film, we share Paulette’s discouragement as she walks around NYC while nothing happens.
Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood. John Carl Buechler, 1988.
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Edition screened: Included in Paramount Friday the 13th: 8-Movie Collection DVD set, released 2017. English language. Runtime approximately 88 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals.
Passion Fever. Doris Wishman (as Louis Silver) and Stelios Jackson, 1969.
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Edition screened: Included in AGFA Blu-ray set The Films of Doris Wishman: The Moonlight Years. English language. Runtime approximately 70 minutes.
Summary: No depictions of violence or harm to animals.
The same short account of how this disaster came to exist is repeated all over the internet.
Another Day, Another Man. Doris Wishman, 1966.
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Edition screened: Included in AGFA Blu-ray set The Films of Doris Wishman: The Moonlight Years. English language. Runtime approximately 71 minutes.
Summary: No animals in the film.
The Prince and the Nature Girl (Nackt im Sommerwind). Doris Wishman, 1964.
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Edition screened: Included in AGFA Blu-ray set The Films of Doris Wishman: The Daylight Years. German language with English subtitles. Runtime approximately 60 minutes.
Summary: No depictions of violence or harm to animals.
Mallrats. Kevin Smith, 1995.
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Edition screened: Arrow Blu-ray, released 2020. English language. Runtime approximately 94 minutes.
Summary: Mean humor about kittens.
Details:
1) The movie begins with a voice-over about killing kittens for an obscene reason, 00:20 - 00:52. The comic book-style opening credits come next, the best part of Mallrats by far.
2) We meet Jay 16:16 - 18:55, who pounds at the kittens on the glass pet shop window just like you never should.
Shannen Doherty’s performance is good and her physical appearance is lovely. The scattered vignettes of Jay and Silent Bob are somewhat entertaining. Everything else about Mallrats is wretched.
Diary of a Nudist. Doris Wishman, 1961.
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Edition screened: Included in AGFA Blu-ray set The Films of Doris Wishman: The Daylight Years. English language. Runtime approximately 72 minutes.
Summary: No depictions of violence or harm to animals.
Diary of a Nudist has the highest aspirations of these early Wishman films despite the female lead’s resemblance to Butt-Head in a blonde wig.
Amazon Jail 2 (Prisioneiras da Selva Amazônica). Conrado Sanchez, 1987.
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Edition screened: Included with Amazon Jail in Vinegar Syndrome Blu-ray set #442, released 2023. Portuguese language with English subtitles. Runtime approximately 70 minutes.
Summary: Terrible handling of a snake.
Details:
1) We see a live pet tarantula on a man’s leg. The man then eats an obviously fake tarantula, 6:35-6:45.
2) A man grabs a very large snake that was minding his own business at 28:07 and handles him roughly, culminating in tying the reptile in a bulky knot at 28:26.
Aside from the mortifying snake abuse, the last half of the film is like a 1980s TV advertisement for a Family Fun Drive-Thru Safari. The four hostage girls handle snakes nicely, cuddle jungle kittens, and share the water with small wild pigs. At no point is a ‘jail’ of any sort seen on screen.
Hell Behind Bars (Perverse oltre le sbarre). Gianni Siragusa (as Willy Regant), 1984.
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Edition screened: Watched online. English language. Runtime approximately 88 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals. 1/5❤
City of the Living Dead (Paura nella città dei morti viventi). Lucio Fulci, 1980.
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Edition screened: Arrow Blu-ray, released 2021. English language. Runtime approximately 93 minutes.
Summary: Maggot abuse. (I know, I know . . .)
Details:
1) A beautiful long-haired grey cat is sitting nicely with his companion human, but then is spooked by overtures of the undead and gives the woman a severe scratch, causing her to howl and toss him into an adjacent chair (16:48-16:50). This two-foot toss is a total nothing for the cat, but worth mentioning because it does not foreshadow the cat’s gruesome murder later in the film! This unexpected lack of cruelty by an Italian director is perhaps the most shocking element in a particularly dumb movie.
2) An ocean of maggots come blasting through a broken window, covering a room and the stupid people who just stand there being sprayed with what must be tens of thousands of live, squirming maggots, 1:02:34-1:04:03. A shot of their maggot-covered shoes on the maggot-covered floor suggest that Yes, maggots inevitably were trod upon in the filming of this fine cinematic work.
The Wild and the Naked. Stan Roberts, 1962.
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Edition screened: Included on Something Weird DVD Satan in High Heels, released 2001. English language. Runtime approximately 61 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence to animals.
Except for the sequence in which a schizophrenic island derelict leaps down from the trees and ties our shapeless female narrator to the ground, the film consists mostly of small groups of shapeless women repeatedly ‘bathing’ in a muddy river basin.
65. Scott Beck and Bryan Woods, 2023.
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Edition screened: Sony Blu-ray, released 2023. English language. Runtime approximately 93 minutes.
Summary: Frequent use of futuristic weapons to slaughter CGIosaurs. There also is saur-on-saur violence in the film, notably about 20 minutes in, right after our heroine rescues the adorable baby CGIosaur from the adorable baby tar pit. The baby immediately is ripped apart by those dang velociraptors. Of course this scene aims to honor gun-humpers’ dull-witted rhetorical misdirection that Hey, animals kill other animals! So in this film we learn that flawed analogies originated in prehistoric times.
Latex She-Devils. Unknown director, circa 1970.
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Edition screened: Included on Something Weird DVD Satan in High Heels, released 2001. Library music; no original audio track. Runtime approximately 8 minutes.
Summary: No animals or references to animals in the film.
This bit of silly BDSM must be an as-found clip from an uncredited softcore film. The transfer quality is terrible and the audio is a loop of library music that Something Weird favors in the absence of original audio.
A-Peeling We Go-Go. Joseph W. Sarno, 1965.
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Edition screened: Included on Something Weird DVD Scream of the Butterfly, released 2003. Scored, no dialogue track. Runtime approximately 9 minutes.
Summary: No animals or references to animals in the film.
Three dancers rejected at auditions for Orgy of the Dead now compete for the title of Miss Horrible Performance, 1965. Will it be Miss Cornball with her traditional burlesque embarrassment? Miss Boring with her mechanical Stop-Stop dancing? Or Miss Awkward with her vaguely Egyptian shoulder contortions?
Jeepers Creepers 2. Victor Salva, 2003.
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Edition screened: Included on Shout Factory Jeepers Creepers 1 and 2, released 2018. English language. Runtime approximately 104 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals.
A predictably disappointing followup to the surprisingly good first film. Too much - way too much - about the piddly conflicts between high school students, and not enough of the excellent menace so effectively showcased in the first film.
Commando Fury. Godfrey Ho, 1986.
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Edition screened: Watched on Amazon. English dub. Runtime approximately 81 minutes.
Summary: No depictions of violence or harm to animals.
Nothing to see here. Nothing entertaining, exciting, sexy, or inadvertently funny. Do not be misled by Amazon’s image of the girl in the black boots, criminally opposite of anything in the film.