Casino Royale. Martin Campbell, 2006.
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Edition screened: Sony DVD, released 2007. English language. Runtime approximately 144 minutes.
Summary: Men wager on a snake-versus-mongoose fight early in the film, but we do not see either of those animals abused or injured.
A 1968 Gottlieb Fun Land is featured in the military compound, 7 minutes into the film.
The Curious Dr. Humpp. Emilio Vieyra and Jerald Intrator, 1969.
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Edition screened: AGFA Blu-ray, released 2021. English dub. Runtime approximately 87 minutes.
Summary: No depictions of violence or harm to animals. 2/5❤
The AGFA Blu-ray also includes the original Spanish-language cut of the film, La venganva del sexo, slightly shorter and lacking brief nude scenes inserted into the English-dub version. La venganva del sexo instead treats us to a nice Saul Bass-style title sequence, absent in the English version.
Also included is the 11-minute comedy Tomb It May Concern (1950).
Divine Trash. Steve Yeager, 1998.
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Edition screened: Included on Criterion Blu-ray #1131 Pink Flamingos, released 2022. English language. Runtime approximately 97 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals.
Divine Trash was awarded the 1998 Sundance Film Festival ‘Trophy for Documentary’. It focuses specifically on the making of Pink Flamingos, and also illuminates the evolution of director John Waters and his stable of crew and actors. I found Divine Trash an enjoyable viewing experience that enhanced my understanding of Waters’ famous characters and scenes by tying his ideas to works of other contemporary filmmakers ranging from Andy Warhol and Kenneth Anger to Herschell Gordon Lewis.
As My Best Fiend serves as a satisfying placeholder if you haven’t yet experienced the films of Werner Herzog and Klaus Kinski, Divine Trash is a satisfying calling card from John Waters and Divine if their films are not at the top of your To Watch list.
The Flicker. Tony Conrad, 1965.
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Edition screened: Included on Yellow Veil Blu-ray Lux Æterna, released 2022. Title card and audio effect track; no dialogue track. Runtime approximately 30 minutes.
Summary: No animals or references to animals in the film.
Follow That Skirt. Richard W. Bomont, 1965.
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Edition screened: Included on Something Weird “The Weird World of Weird” 20th Anniversary Special Edition DVD, released 2009. English language. Runtime approximately 27 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals. 1/5❤
A Blood Feast makeover.
Hell High. Douglas Grossman, 1989.
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Edition screened: Arrow Blu-ray, released 2022. English language. Runtime approximately 84 way too long minutes.
Summary: Mild high school science class frog dissection scene.
Details: The second significant scene in the movie (6:22-8:20) takes place in a biology classroom. Several dissection trays with frogs are visible on the tables, but no closeups or gore.
The most detestable major character drives a convertible with a frog hanging in a net from the rearview mirror. I presume viewers are supposed to think this prop represents a real frog lifted from biology class . . . which would deteriorate into a repulsive mess long before compressed film-time ended.
The Kyoto Connection: Journey to Japan (Poruno no joô: Nippon sex ryokô). Sadao Nakajima, 1973.
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Edition screened: Cheezy Movies DVD, released 2020. Japanese language with English subtitles. Runtime approximately 72 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals. 1/5❤
A disappointing transfer of a disappointing film.
Lux Æterna. Gaspar Noé, 2019.
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Edition screened: Yellow Veil Blu-ray, released 2022. French language with English subtitles. Runtime approximately 51 minutes.
Summary: No animals or references to animals in the film.
The Yellow Veil release includes a second Blu-ray with four short films cited as inspirational by Gaspar Noé:
• La Ricotta (1963 Pier Pasolini)
• The Flicker (1965 Tony Conrad)
• Inauguration of the Pleasure Dome (1954 Kenneth Anger)
• Ray Gun Virus (1966 Paul Shartis)
The Major and the Minor. Billy Wilder, 1942.
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Edition screened: Arrow Blu-ray, released 2019. English language. Runtime approximately 100 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals.
Mark of the Witch. Tom Moore, 1970.
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Edition screened: Viewed online. English language. Runtime approximately 78 minutes.
Summary: Depiction of a violently murdered parakeet.
Details: The witch makes a caged parakeet explode with a bang and a puff of smoke. The film then cuts back to a bloody bird body on the floor of the cage, 30:49-30:52. A little earlier there is dialogue about the pet dog killed outside, with no visuals or details.
Night of the Bloody Apes. René Cardona, 1969.
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Edition screened: Included with Feast of Flesh on Something Weird “Orgy of Terror” Double Feature DVD, released 2002. English dub. Runtime approximately 84 minutes.
Summary: An actor in a particularly unconvincing gorilla suit is shot with a tranquilizer gun while caged in a zoo setting, 7:15, and again while caged in a laboratory setting, 14:40.
In addition to the two feature titles, the Something Weird “Orgy of Terror” includes four largely uncredited shorts:
Pink Flamingos. John Waters, 1972.
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Edition screened: Criterion Blu-ray #1131, released 2022. English language. Runtime approximately 93 minutes.
Summary: Graphic murder of a chicken.
Details:
1) A man introduces two white hens into a sex scene. He holds the birds by the legs and flails them around carelessly, then positions them to be crushed between himself and his partner. It is likely that one hen’s head was torn off, based on the amount of blood. All this, 28:58-30:27.
2) A return to the man sleeping beside the body of a dead bloody chicken, 41:33-41:37.
3) A pig’s head from a butcher shop is unwrapped as a birthday gift, 56:05-56:14.
The Criterion Blu-ray includes Steve Yeager’s 1998 documentary about John Waters, Divine Trash.
Ray Gun Virus. Paul Sharits, 1966.
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Edition screened: Included on Yellow Veil Blu-ray Lux Æterna, released 2022. Audio effect track; no dialogue track. Runtime approximately 14 minutes.
Summary: No animals or references to animals in the film.
Retro Christmas Classics! Various directors, 1950s and 1960s.
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Edition screened: Something Weird DVD, released 2007. English language. Runtime approximately 120 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals.
The sixteen shorts and trailers in this compilation run as one feature. I have added accurate start times to the descriptions copied from the Something Weird webpage:
1) 0:40 - Trailer for K. GORDON MURRAY’s Santa Claus (1960)
2) 3:15- Intermission Ad: “Merry Christmas!”
3) 11:40 - Intermission Ad: “Christmas Seals” (1957) – Santa Claus and CLARK GABLE want you to buy Christmas Seals and help fight tuberculosis!
4) 13:41 - Short: A Christmas Dream – Through the miracle of stop-motion animation, Santa makes a little girl’s unwanted doll come to life and run amok all over her bedroom: “Please don’t throw me away!” Wow.
5) 22:38 - Short: A Present for Santa Claus (1947) – Two greedy brats attempt to get the Christmas gifts they want by bribing Santa with cups of hot chocolate! And it works! Santa gives them lots of presents and a puppy!
6) 30:47 - Cartoon: Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer – MAX FLEISCHER’s classic featuring everyone’s favorite luminescent caribou!
7) 39:22 - Trailer for the 1959 animated feature The Snow Queen!
8) 40:21 - Short: The Night Before Christmas – In the dead of night, Santa not only invades another living room, but lights up his filthy pipe and starts smoking in this retelling of the classic holiday poem!
9) 48:18 - Short: Silent Night – Join the ADA CRUSADERS QUARTET and sing along to the holiday classic with the aid of this “Hymnalogue”!
10) 51:34 - Short: A Visit to Santa (color) – Santa sends a young elf to escort little Dick and Ann to his castle at the North Pole where they hang with Mr. Claus, watch him in various parades, and take a tour of his Toy Shop. Santa shows Ann an array of dolls “to wash, dress, and spank,” then takes them to Toy Train Town where Dick nearly pees his pants with excitement! Whoopee!
11) 1:01:32 - Trailer for Santa’s Christmas Circus (1966) starring Whizzo the Clown!
12) 1:03:01 - Short: Santa and the Fairy Snow Queen – SID DAVIS, the mastermind behind such classroom scare films as The Dangerous Stranger, tries to persuade youngsters to take better care of their toys by showing a bleary-eyed Santa (who looks like a skid-row bum dragged in from the gutter) attempting to deal with a rebellion of toys that have come to life (played by a bunch of adults who should be ashamed of themselves)! Jaw-dropping.
13) 1:28:51 - Short: The Three Little Dwarves – In this delightful Rankin-Bass-style puppet production, an Asian-looking Santa drags his pals Hardrock, Coco, and Joe along with him on Christmas Eve!
14) 1:31:24 - Short: Santa in Animal Land – Puppet animals are upset that Santa Claus only brings gifts to kids, so Kitty Kat seeks out Santa, is made the “Official Santa Claus for Animals Always,” and delivers gifts for all his animal/puppet friends! As mind-numbingly goofy as it is oddly disturbing.
15) 1:40:21 - Short: The Spirit of Christmas – “The Night Before Christmas” is lovingly re-enacted by creepy marionettes!
16) 1:50:03 - Short: Christmas Rhapsody (1948) – A little fir tree feels inferior to all the larger trees in the forest until a forest ranger and his family choose it to be their Christmas tree! Get out those hankies….
Retro Christmas Classics! Volume 2. Various directors, 1950s and 1960s.
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Edition screened: Something Weird DVD, released 2008. English language. Runtime approximately 110 minutes.
Summary: As indicated below, #5 includes about three seconds of a line-art brat punching a line-art cat. Let’s let this one slide.
The sixteen shorts and trailers in this compilation run as one feature. I have added accurate start times to the descriptions copied from the Something Weird webpage:
1) 0:20 - Intermission Ad: “Merry Christmas” 1939
2) 1:06 - Merry Christmas (1950, b&w) Santa’s Sweat Shop in the North Pole buzzes with activity. Three happy elves toil and tinker to make toys for good little boys and girls. Meanwhile, a suburban family sings carols by the tree and Dad tries to sipe Junior’s toy train set.
3) 9:43 - A Christmas Message from Rosemary Clooney (1950s, b&w) George Clooney’s aunt pleads for you to buy Christmas Seals.
4) 12:22 - A Christmas Journey (1950, b&w) A little Russian boy desperately wants to deliver a Christmas tree to his father who works in Antartica (!) So the kid borrows Santa’s star-studded jet plane (huh?) and embarks on a crazy adventure that takes him to Africa (?) along the way.
5) 22:52 - Intermission Ads: “Merry Christmas” 1954 and 1959. See the making of a serial killer as a cartoon kid beats on a cartoon cat.
6) 25:13 - Christmas Time in Toyland (1930s, b&w) Scary stop-motion animation and a relentless parade of vintage mechanical toys make Toyland come to life. Santa looks crazed amongst the decrepit old wooden elves and automatons who populate his workshop.
7) 34:25 - Intermission Ad: “Merry Christmas” 1955
8) 35:48 - The Christmas Visitor (1961, b&w) A cartoon Santa drops down the chimney then boozes it up and smokes a cigar while toys cause mayhem all while an unsuspecting family lay snug in their beds.
9) 42:41 - Intermission Ad: “The Lights of Christmas” 1956
10) 43:30 - A Visit from St. Nicholas (1949, b&w) Primitive animation and models tell the story of The Night Before Christmas.
11) 47:14 - Intermission Ad: “Cordial Holiday Greetings” 1950s
12) 47:40 - Christmas Tree (1960s, color) Get out the pipe cleaners, glitter and yarn! Crafty critters go on a mission to find a Christmas tree!
13) 54:39 - Intermission Ad: “Christmas Legends” 1957
14) 55:25 - The First Noel (1961, color) It’s Bible time sixties-style! The story of the birth of Jesus is lovingly portrayed with modern art quasi-animation.
15) 1:07:56 - The Littlest Angel (1950, color) A little misfit cherub seeks redemption from the Big Guy. After trudging to the place of judgment, he gets his act together and even gives the newborn Baby Jesus his most prized possession. What did you expect from a Christian cartoon?
16) 1:21:45 - Liberace Christmas Show (1954, b&w) And now for the grand finale! Nothing screams Christmas more than the tinkling of piano keys and Liberace’s comforting crooning performed in an artificial winter wonderland! Santa (who looks remarkably like his brother George) even stops by!
Rosie (TV pilot). Walter Hart and Lewis Jacobs, 1960.
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Edition screened: Included on Something Weird “The Weird World of Weird” 20th Anniversary Special Edition DVD, released 2009. English language. Runtime approximately 19 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals.
An actor costumed as a human-size mangy dog stars in and narrates this Can I keep him, Pa? Can I? stupidity, which should please that depressingly enormous portion of the population who think “so bad it’s good” holds up logically, rhetorically, or aesthetically.
The Smut Peddler. Werner (William) Rose, 1965.
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Edition screened: Excerpt included on Something Weird “The Weird World of Weird” 20th Anniversary Special Edition DVD, released 2009. English language. Runtime of excerpt approximately 20 minutes.
Summary: No depictions of violence or harm to animals. 0.5/5❤
The Something Weird release indicates that this 20-minute excerpt is a rare surviving fragment from a lost film. Other sources indicate that the entire film plays on Turner. Not worth fretting over.
Tomb It May Concern (Tomb Itmay Concern). W. Merle Connell, 1950.
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Edition screened: Included on AGFA Blu-ray The Curious Dr. Humpp, released 2021. English language. Runtime approximately 11 minutes.
Summary: No depictions of violence or harm to animals.
This skit stars a dwarf billed as Little Jack Little, a Buddy Hackett-type hambone who revives two female Egyptian mummies while on an archaeological expedition. Of the two reanimated mummies, the fat ugly one (Princess Itmay) is white and sucks up half of the runtime with a ghastly belly dance routine. The beautiful one is light black, only gets a quick visual gag, and is the butt of an unfortunate racial joke that ends the film.
The Weird World of Weird. Paulmichel Mielche, 1970.
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Edition screened: Included on Something Weird “The Weird World of Weird” 20th Anniversary Special Edition DVD, released 2009. English mumbling. Runtime approximately 47 minutes.
Summary: No particular depictions of violence or harm to animals.
This 47-minute made-for-TV pop documentary takes a smug glance at psychic phenomena and non-Xtian religions. Prominent among cameo appearances are Anton Levay and Chriswell.
Something Weird’s The Weird World of Weird DVD also includes:
Rosie - 1960 TV pilot episode
Follow That Skirt - 1965, Richard W. Bomont
The Smut Peddler (excerpt) - 1965, William Rose
