Apocalypto. Mel Gibson, 2006.
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Edition screened: Buena Vista/Touchstone DVD, released 2007. Whatever language and/or with English subtitles. Runtime approximately 139 minutes.
Summary: Typical goofball revelry in animal butchering.
Details:
1) The film opens with a tapir being pursued by Injuns. The tapir is gruesomely impaled at 2:48, convulses and dies for another minute, then his organs are removed and passed out like Little League trophies through 5:30. Follow-up butchering, 7:58-8:25.
2) A black panther is stabbed and beaten to death 1:37:30-1:38:03.
The easiest way to launder our brains of this stupid movie is simply to say what Mel Gibson wants to hear, and be done with it. There’s no arguing with him anyway. So: Dear Mel, I sure learned some important life-shaping truths watching Apocalypto. Turns out, ancient civilizations were extremely brutal, kept slaves, and killed graphically for practically no reason. That being the case, what right do liberals have criticizing modern first world Christian Capitalists for acting the same way?
Or we can emulate Mel’s 7th-grade English teacher who picked up the DVD in BestBuy, read the cut line on the cover “No One Can Outrun Their Destiny”, put it down and kept walkin’.